14 Times Unlicensed Pokémon Products Went Way Too F**king Far

Disclaimer: Language in this article is PG-13 and may not be suitable for young audiences.

Pokémon is one of the most widely recognized franchises in the entire world. Those cute, little pocket monsters have stolen our hearts as we forced them to beat each other senseless.

Some people out there have decided to try and make some money off of the success of Pokémon by releasing their own, um, unique merchandise based on the popular characters. Luckily for us, the internet is a thing that exists and we can see in all the horrifying glory what happens when you take a beloved character and created unlicensed merchandise from it.

These bootleg toys, games, and thingys are sometimes hilariously wrong, absolutely terrifying, or just down right bizarre. Gathered in below are 14 such items that prove it is possible to go way too f**cking far sometimes.

14. Sealeo – The Derpy Pokémon

We’ll start off with something tame, just to ease you into this nightmare landscape.

Of all the items on this list, this is probably the one least likely to give me nightmares. There’s nothing scary about this guy. It’s actually just kinda funny how wrong this is. I laughed the first time (and the second, third, and fourth time) I saw this picture. He looks so happy, but I’m guessing that’s because he just won the award for derpiest Pokémon figurine in the world.

13. Celebi, Is That You?

This toy has absolutely everything you need when creating a Celebi. The antennae, the green color, the little tuft at the top of the head, the wings. Everything is there, technically. But somehow this looks absolutely nothing like the cute, cuddly Celebi we all know and love.

The real celebi. Credit: Pokemon

12. What’s Wrong With Your Face, Azumarill?

Overall, this is a pretty good knockoff. The ears are right, the colors are right, the shape is right, but then you get to the face and the whole thing falls apart. The real Azumarill has a a little dot for a nose and a huge mouth. Why the decision was made to give Azumarill a realistic looking human mouth and nose is beyond me.

11. You’re Punishment Is Eternal Charging

This is one of the few examples where I see what the designer was going for. Pikachu is an electric type Pokémon who can create lightning bolts, it makes sense then that he would be able to charge our devices.

Where this product went wrong was they made it super unnecessarily goddamn horrifying.

Do you see his eyes?!?! Do you see the pained, glossy look on his face? Do you see how he spreads his arms in defeat as if saying “Please, just end this”? Yep, definitely not something I want sitting on my desk.

10. This Absol That Is Tripping The Hell Out

I sincerely hope no one made any money off of this terrible Absol and it was just a fun art project that turned out horribly wrong. Absol is supposed to look majestic and mysterious. The only thing this Absol ripoff looks is confused.

9. Sailor Moon x Pokémon Mashup

Not only are these Pikachu charms horribly crafted, why in the world is Sailor Moon on the packaging? What do Sailor Moon and Pokémon have in common? They are both from Japan and are for kids, but past that the similarities end.

8. Drunken Pokémon Go Ripoff

This bootleg version of Pokémon Go is the stuff of nightmares. I don’t think the people who made this game have even ever seen a Pokémon. It’s like they were trying to create renditions based off of descriptions from drunk people. 10/10 would never play.

7. Squirtle Meets The Ninja Turtles

These figures are being described as “Mutant Ninja Squirtles.” And well I see the thought behind it (two popular turtles, so why not mix them?), I’m honestly perplexed by how poorly these are made. They are rather creep, ad the one on the far right has struck the funniest pose I’ve ever seen a Pokémon make.

“Paint me like one of your french girls, Ash.”

Each face is different, but strangely enough all three emote the same thing: “Kill me.”

6. Pikachu Taxidermy With a Real Rat, For Some Reason

A REAL RAT! This is an actual REAL rat that’s been taxidermied and then modified to resemble Pikachu. Talk about disturbing.

5. Pikachu Ride From Your Nightmares

Pikachu is apparently really easy to make look scary. I would never want to show up anywhere near this ride, let alone get on it. I can just imagine the creature coming to life and eating me all the while keeping that freaky grin plastered on his lifeless face.

Pikachu is apparently really easy to make look scary.

4. What’s Wrong With Misty?

Oh poor, poor Misty! You deserve better than this! The biggest problem with this “toy” is her face – it looks like she did one too many drugs and is on the verge of having a psychotic break. Yikes.

3. This Nightmare-Fuel Pikachu Costume

I don’t even want to talk about this, but it needs to be on this list. If I saw this monster anywhere near me I would run the f**k away as fast as possible. What’s even worse than this terrifying costume is the kid. How in the world can you be smiling when a creature straight from hell is touching your shoulders? Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if that traumatized kid has some skeletons in his closet (and that’s literally, not figuratively speaking).

2. Pokémon Willy Warmer

In case you were wondering, a “Willy Warmer” is like a sock for your, uh, ‘willy’. Despite not making any sense biologically to put a Pikachu-shaped sock on your junk, it’s also creepy. Is having a Pikachu on your member going to help set the mood? And just in case you wanted to get one for yourself, but aren’t a huge fan of Pikachu, the Etsy behind this product, JanetCrochetStuff, sells dozens of different styles.

1. Pokémoan Sex Toys

That’s right, these are sex toys. Pokémon-themed sex toys. If you thought loving Pokémon was just for kids, you may have forgotten that kids grow up and can have some unique preferences. To further add on to the horror of this “toy”, these don’t look like they would be pleasurable at all, the heads look like they would be more uncomfortable than anything else. But hey:

Well, after all that, how about a nice official Pokémon pallet cleanser:

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